jezebel.com

Illustration: Wellcome Collection As we come within a stone’s throw of one year since all non-dickheaded people began covering their blowholes and sequestering themselves for the greater good, many have started to wonder what the post-vaccine world will look like when our pale bodies trundle back into the sun, or probably more likely the darkened barrooms we once enjoyed in a pleasanter yore. Specifically, the New York Times wonders if what was once casual, nothing conversation might not be just weird as fuck after all this time not socializing: “Welcome to the pandemic province of the socially rusty and newly awkward, where simple interactions among even the most outgoing people have become unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Jumping back into pleasant interactions can feel like returning from a year in the wilderness, a silent meditation retreat or outer space.” But while the Times talks about conversational strangeness as if it is a bad thing—Isaac Mizrahi’s mother, for example, is boring him with talk of houseplants—allow me, a three-time stay-at-home champion, to offer an alternative perspective: Saying weird shit to people is fucking awesome. Just last night, I was walking my dog through West Hollywood when we were stopped by two little white bichons who wanted a sniff. “I spilled a cup of cheese dip on her earlier,” I said to the dogs’ human escort. “She smells fascinating.” Now, some people might opine that is a weird thing to say to a stranger, to which I would answer, “Correct.” When I speak […]